There is a very trendy saying that goes: ‘You attract emotionally unavailable partners.’
I have worked with many clients who experienced deep shame around this, thinking something is wrong with them for ‘attracting the wrong partners’. I even had clients thinking they were somehow broken and there was no hope for them.
While I am an advocate for taking full responsibility for our life; the idea that you are responsible for attracting certain people in your life can lead to more shame rather than healing.
You do have responsibility in this. But I prefer to reframe it to: ‘You don’t attract emotionally unavailable partners, you unconsciously say ‘YES’ to them when they cross your path because of your specific wounding and trauma.’
This takes pressure off and cuts through a painful story that our mind easily creates around ‘attracting the wrong people’.
All you need to do is to say ‘NO’ to the wrong people.
And here is the thing: Even highly conscious individuals come across people whom they don’t want in their life, people who would cause them pain. This idea that when you reach higher levels of consciousness you only attract amazing things is a form of unrealistic idealism. Yes, as your energy vibrates higher you draw in more of this high energy, but you are a human being meant to go through this human experience and its challenges, its lessons, and its divine teachings.
Questioning what is wrong with you, or feeding the story that you are broken, is only going to lead to more shame and pain. Instead, I invite you to look at what it is that makes you go unconscious and to say ‘YES’ to people who are not right for your heart, who do not allow your heart to feel safer and to open, to expand.
And to make things crystal clear: There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. All you need is to become aware of an unconscious pattern and by doing so, you resolve it.
By saying ‘NO’ to people who are not right for you, people you have to chase, people who do not meet your heart’s yearning, you are healing whatever wounding is causing it and making space for the right person to enter your life.
It is that simple.
Unconsciously saying ‘YES’ to relationship dynamics that are not safe for your heart often comes from an abandonment wound.
If you want to learn more about this, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.
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