Helping men understand women

A woman with a father wound

//  by 

When a woman grew up with a father who wasn’t a safe masculine presence, she will often unconsciously look for the safety she never received in other men, or partners.

This is where it can get a bit tricky because two things can be true at the same time:

  1. She naturally desires safety from a man, or partner
  2. And the level of safety she desires might be mixed with the father wound

Is the desire for safety coming from the father wound? No.

But is the level of safety she wants from a man something he can actually provide? Perhaps yes, or, perhaps not. It depends. 

Let’s look at a practical example:

She mentions to him an area where she wants him to step up, where she doesn’t feel supported. Now imagine this man, or partner, hears her, listens to her, and tells her he will step up in this area. And yet the conversation escalates into an argument, and somehow it leaves a feeling of still not good enough.

Imagine he really tries, he steps up, he shows up, and he gives his best.

If she looks at him through the lens of the father wound it does not permit him to be an imperfect human being, which we all are. He is required to provide an enormous amount of safety and healing only a father could provide. No matter how conscious this man is, he cannot be the father she never had because he is her partner. 

And here is the greatest paradox: a man who stays in this dynamic is a man she will lose respect for.

Why? Because deep down she doesn’t want a man who puts up with anything, has no spine, has no truth of his own, and burns out trying to please her. It is a paradox and what I call a lose-lose situation.

If he tries harder, it’s still not enough. If he tolerates it, never stands tall in his own truth, she will slowly lose respect for him. In trying to please her he abandons his sense of self, he disconnects from his center, and becomes the shell of a man he could be. 

I have helped many women let go of the father wound glasses and return to the natural desire of safety inside her heart, to untangle the father wound from this dynamic, so the confusion stops, and she can experience the depth of love she truly desires.

If you’re ready to go deeper, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.