Why You Are Attracted to People Who Reject You

A common dynamic I have observed in clients is a subconscious attraction to people who are emotionally unavailable and who reject them in a subtle, or major way.

Usually there is a lack of attraction towards intimate partners who are emotionally stable, safe, consistent, and available.

And there is an immensely strong attraction and pull towards people who don’t choose them fully. What feels like ‘chemistry’ here is actually just wounding and familiar pain being confused with attraction.

Now, if I explain to clients who come to me with this challenge all the reasons why it is actually not real attraction and that they should choose a partner who is safe, it would lead to nothing.

It would lead to nothing because it doesn’t change the intense sensations they are experiencing in their body. They could tell themselves at an intellectual level that they ‘shouldn’t feel attracted’ to this person, or shouldn’t give them another chance, yet in their body it feels true to do so.

And this is the key aspect to understand here – the nervous system is so hijacked that the saying ‘just trust your gut’, or ‘listen to your intuition’, becomes counterproductive advice without context.

For those who are experiencing this, please remind yourself that you did not choose to feel attracted to unavailable people. You are simply hijacked. This is not who you truly are, neither is it what you truly desire.

The journey starts with learning to feel safe and secure in your body again, as then it becomes much easier to actually discern for yourself whether or not a relationship dynamic is in alignment with your heart’s truth.

When you feel truly safe and at home in your body this immensely strong pull of ‘chemistry’ becomes grounded, you can see things more clearly, you naturally feel more in control and you can listen to subtle whispers of your gut feeling, your intuition. This is usually not a rushed feeling, but a soft, tender, and yet incredibly powerful sensation.

If you want to heal this at a deeper level, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.