You cannot imagine how often I hear the following from clients:
‘I feel every area in my life aligns perfectly except my intimate life. In my romantic relationship I feel insecure, overly needy, attached, or suffer from self-sabotage. How can this be?’
The short answer is: Because relationship challenges are always spiritual in their nature. Our relationship challenges are our core spiritual challenges.
The more in-depth answer is: In other areas of our life it is easier in a way (though still requiring immense courage) to work through our challenges, however, in relationships our deepest core wounds are being spotlighted. This goes so deep that for instance we might think we have healed an abandonment wound, only to feel it ripped open again in a painful relationship experience even though we did not feel it for many years.
I have worked with women who are highly confident in all areas of their life, except in their intimate life. The moment they entered a relationship, a deep neediness started to take hold on them, leading them to obsess about every moment to see whether they weren’t rejected and are still ‘being loved or liked’.
I have worked with highly successful CEOs who command large teams all day long but the moment they enter their own home they experience crippling insecurity, fear of rejection, and their female partner no longer feeling attracted to them due to a total lack of masculine energy.
How can someone be confident and assertive all day long and then embody the polar opposite in their relationships?
Because relationships require a deeper sense of confidence, one that comes from within. Let me give you an example: One can be afraid of something, and learn to mask their fear by keeping a straight face. While this might work on the outside, relationships are an internal game. They reveal what is truly happening within us, that is why there is no way around the deep inner work and why there can never be any masking or faking.
The quintessence of what I am saying here is the following:
The spirit of union says: ‘Either you choose to go ALL the way, to face every fear, every shadow that arises within you, or you go nowhere.’
Now this might sound a bit too simplistic and black and white for some, and usually I would agree, however, in this case, it is true. One cannot half-heartedly do a bit of work and improve their relationship life massively. One has to choose to go to the deepest depth to truly transform their intimate life into what you want it to be.
Have you made that choice consciously and do you keep reminding yourself of this? Or are there parts within you that are still looking for comfort and an ‘easier way’? Be radically honest with yourself. And then recommit to the path of truth, the path of union.
If you want to learn how to transform your intimate life by transforming within, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.
Emotional Disconnect in Relationships