Recently, a female client of mine told me that her recent intimate relationship started great and ended badly.
This made me think about how many times I experienced that in the past, and how many people experience this on a daily basis, without knowing the root core of why most intimate relationships are bound to fail, even before you have your first kiss. So, let’s talk about the root issue. I still meet people occasionally who tell me things such as, “I hope to meet a man/woman that makes me happy and that really gets me and fulfills me.”Sounds innocent, right?
99% of the time it is not innocent; it is actually highly manipulative. If you think that an intimate partner can fulfill you or make you happy, you give away your responsibility to yourself and give it to them.This is something so deeply ingrained in our subconscious mind, and it is supported by Hollywood movies that display a distorted and toxic perception of romantic relationships.
Whenever you enter a relationship with the hope to become happy, the relationship is already doomed to fail, and you are most likely not following your intuition. Yourshadow has taken the lead. This is the exact reason why we do not notice red flags. Examples of red flags are when your partner has an unhealthy relationship with money, when there is constant family drama, and when your partner shuts down in every argument.I could provide a 100 more.
If you come from a place of lack, with hope to find fulfillment, the universe will give you an intimate partner that does not have your best interest in mind. You might find an intimate partner that has been traumatized, and you will find yourself trapped in a painful dynamic This is because you have not demonstrated that you are truly done with the suffering that occurs in most relationships. You are not yet ready to experience deep and healthy intimacy.
The only way to display to the universe what you truly want is to develop your sacred “NO”. Your sacred “No” has to be incredibly powerful and fierce. The moment you meet someone, and the red flags emerge, your sacred “no” cuts through the bullshit, and you leave the relationship. Your sacred no is the sword and the warrior that hunts down your toxic relationship patterns. You cannot develop a strong “YES” if you do not possess a strong “NO.”
How do you make an intimate relationship work? It is fucking simple, but it isnot easy. You do the deep work. You become so unapologetically authentic and fulfilled on your own that an intimate relationship is just an expansion of your joy and depth. You radically accept the fact that no one can fulfill you except yourself. You take full responsibility for everything in your life and do not place power in someone else’s hands.
Practice your “No”. You say “No” to the bullshit, the avoidance, the constant shutdowns, and the toxic patterns. You say “No” as often as you need to, and the universe will listen, bow to you, and send you a “hell fucking yes.” As I said, it is simple but not easy. If you constantly complain about your intimate relationships, it means that you are addicted to suffering, and drama. There is a part within you that actually likes it. I know that sounds provocative, but it is the truth. If you really want to be free and experience bliss in your relationships, then you will.