Growing up, I had features and a way of carrying myself that did not fit into other people’s expectations. My hair was long, my face softer than the boys around me, my posture imperfect. I was curious about things most children at that time did not talk about – consciousness, human nature, and love. And for that, I became an easy target.
More than once a replacement teacher walked in, glanced around, and immediately labelled me as someone I wasn’t – addressing me as a girl without even knowing who I was. I remember the shame rising like heat under my skin, the embarrassment that hollowed my chest, and a quiet rage with nowhere to land.
People picked on me constantly. It did not matter how much I shrank myself or tried to slip beneath the radar – something about me always seemed to provoke a reaction. They had a problem with my energy, my sensitivity, my intensity. It felt like being pushed into the ring over and over without knowing how to defend myself.
Others made it their mission to make fun of or humiliate me. They wanted to prove I was wrong and for everyone to see it. This terrified the young boy inside me who was already losing his father to cancer, who watched his masculine role model weaken day after day, who lived in a home without stability and without emotional attunement. Behind all of this was a level of internal suffering that no child should ever have to hold.
Yet within the pain was a gift. It pushed me off the familiar path and into territory most people around me never even considered. While others worked hard to fit in, I was drawn to complex psychological literature and novels that opened entire inner worlds. I was devouring the works of introspective authors at an age when most people had no interest in them. I was fueled by equal parts fire and fear. I understood early on that if I did not carve my own path, the world would keep pushing against my presence. I would either be shaped by others or I would shape myself.
My upbringing became a strange mix of earth shattering grief, powerful creative explosions, and bold decisions that changed the entire trajectory of my life. It was beautiful, painful, unfiltered, and chaotic. In many ways it was a divine mess.
As I continue to reflect and shed layers of conditioning, I notice a pattern. Nearly every soul I have coached who carries deep medicine has lived through a similar dynamic.
They were rejected for who they are. They were made to feel wrong even when they were seeing the truth clearly. Their light drew attention even when their heart was open and sincere.
This is the duality of the world we live in. The stronger the light, the louder the shadow around it.
This makes no sense at all until you realize it is part of your soul’s calling. It may still hurt, but your heart opens in a deeper way. You become more grounded. A quiet clarity forms inside you, and with that clarity comes an immense inner power.
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The Untold Truth About Mother and Father Wounds