A common challenge that comes up for women is the fear of speaking up, the fear of being too much.
But…
The deeper fear is that what she says gets dismissed.
This is not some far fetched idea, there is actual research that gives us more perspective on this.
A 2023 study followed MBA graduates and tracked who negotiated salaries and who didn’t. Women made requests for a higher salary more often than men did. And they still ended up earning less, and got turned down more often for the exact same request compared to if it had been made by a man.
So, women are speaking up, but are simply not getting heard. That is a very different problem.
There is older research behind this too, from psychologist Dana Jack in 1991. Her work found that women learn to hold their own thoughts and feelings back, specifically to protect a relationship and avoid conflict. They learned that using their voice puts the relationship at risk, so they trade themselves for the connection instead.
And multiple research studies on group settings, going back over a decade out of Brigham Young University, found the same story playing out anywhere men and women speak together, be they work teams, town halls, or within families. Women are seen as less authoritative before they’ve said a word. They speak less overall. And when they do speak, they get interrupted more.
Three different pieces of research, spanning decades, all pointing to the same conclusion: Women’s voices and truth have been knowingly and unknowingly quietened for too long. What they have learned, repeatedly, is that their voice is not heard.
Superficial or at worst tone deaf advice would be: just speak up. The deeper question that should be asked is: how can a woman speak up and then not abandon herself when she is dismissed and unheard?
Because you see, when a woman gives in then, and accepts that speaking up is not going to lead to anything, is this not the exact same suppression the feminine has been going through for decades?
The answer is: yes, it is.
And in a way this suppression is convenient in a patriarchal world. If men don’t hear, then there is no need to take responsibility for anything. This is a systemic issue, a shadow in our collective.
When a woman speaks up, and learns to remain rooted in her intuition even if it is not heard, then she reclaims her power. She has a voice, and if it isn’t heard, then there are consequences.
This is good. Why would it not be? It leads to real accountability and real responsibility in relationships.
The return of the divine feminine is a woman who reclaims her voice, and who remains rooted in her intuition regardless of how it is received.
My heart is filled with love writing this.
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