Most places are in lockdown. Some countries have very strict restrictions others a little bit less, either way, reality is that couples are spending much more time together.
Recently I have read an article from a successful marriage consultant which stated that the divorce rates are 6 times higher since the beginning of the pandemic!
This is very shocking but not unexpected. Being with your partner 24/7 is intense. No matter how much you love each other, no matter how much you have been through, no matter how strong the foundation is that you have built your relationship on. It is intense because we all need some alone-time, time to process, time to integrate.
The difficulty for most couples at the moment, is that you start to get stuck in the same repetitive patterns. You start to annoy each other so often that it becomes a habit, in worse cases you lash out at each other frequently and verbal abuse is involved.
The reason why you annoy each other is because of your neurotic habits and your shadow. You are no longer grounded, present, fully conscious in each moment, you start to drift into auto-pilot, sleep-walking, every day becomes groundhog day.
The challenge is not your partner, the challenge is to remain present and conscious. To be aware of your breath, to take the time to listen to your partner’s needs, to feel into them.
This challenge is not an easy one. It is the challenge every enlightened yogi has encountered, every buddhist monk, every great spiritual teacher. How on earth do you remain conscious, no matter what happens?
It takes relentless discipline and compassion. You need both. You need your discipline to snap out of deeply unconscious and reactive states and you need compassion to not be too hard on yourself.
But you have to ask yourself this question; “What is worse than the pain of being asleep and watching your life crumble in front of your eyes? To see the own misery you feel within manifest itself in the external world?” I tell you this: Nothing. Nothing is worse than that.
Get back on your feet. Breathe deeply. You make the choice. You create deep intimacy and your reality. If it still doesn’t work out, your self-worth won’t suffer because you have stayed true to your heart.
You decide how you show up in your relationship. You are not a victim of some pandemic. You are a sacred leader, a warrior/warrioress that has been born to face every crisis. If your relationship is dysfunctional and your heart tells you to leave, then leave! If you are in love and encounter challenges then show up differently.
This is tough love. I know. But playing the victim, losing yourself in your fears won’t make things better.
This is the time to grow, to rise beyond your deepest fears, to reclaim the innocence and strength of your heart.
I want to see you get back on your feet and reclaim what’s yours. Because it is what you were born to do.
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