The early death of my father and the challenging relationship we had where I constantly tried to gain his approval, led to a deep rooted sense of unworthiness within me.
I brought this feeling of unworthiness into every area of my life. And somehow, no matter how hard I tried, I subconsciously created realities in my life that kept showing me a mirror of this feeling of unworthiness.
The same cycle, the same pattern, the same voice saying: ‘See, you are still not good enough! You will never be enough.’
I believed that by becoming successful, being in the right relationship, I would heal this sense of unworthiness, and yet, I realized that it remains untouched by any external circumstances. Yes, untouched. Because it is deep within.
Of course external circumstances, such as a loving relationship, or earning a lot of money can temporarily make you feel better, but they will NEVER heal the deep rooted sense of unworthiness that is almost chronic in our society.
You might understand this conceptually, but for most of us it is incredibly hard to embody. We know it, but we don’t remind ourselves of it, and practice it, in the crucial moments. We still believe that we can somehow prove our worth and then our sense of unworthiness will magically disappear.
It won’t.
I have worked with individuals who will never ever have to worry about money again for generations to come. They are also in a great and loving relationship. They are at the top of their game. And yet, deep down, they feel a chronic sense of unworthiness that spills into every area of their life making it almost impossible for them to truly enjoy and receive the beauty, abundance, and joy of this life.
While there is no magic bullet, there is a way to get to the root of this. And that is to learn to connect with our innate sense of abundance and wholeness. Easier said than done. There are so many practices out there, affirmations, manifestation practices, and much more. So which one is the best? In truth, they all hold value, they all hold power. But it is not the practice that will shift everything, it is the approach.
Here is where shadow work comes into play, perhaps the most powerful and potent work that exists.
Working with our shadow, which sustains itself from our deep rooted sense of unworthiness, is the most complex and nuanced spiritual work there is.
To give you a few examples:
- The more you dis-identify from the shadow, the more aggressive it will become in trying to make you go unconscious, to feel unworthy.
- The shadow loves hiding in spirituality and conscious practices. If we are not aware of this, it can easily hijack our ‘healing journey’.
- The shadow is neither your friend, nor your enemy. And fighting it, trying to conquer it, will only lead to more pain and strengthen it.
If you want to receive the deeper answers to working with your shadow to create an internal state of abundance and to heal relationship pain, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.
Why Men Feel Like Boys