One day I had an epiphany about my relationship with my wife. I realized what it truly means to hold space for the feminine. And it makes perfect sense to my clients or groups whom I teach.
A lot of men, unconsciously (including me too in the past) actually communicate to the feminine that she is too much, in moments where they actually want to support her and hold space for her!
Let me explain:
When a woman is going through a challenging experience and we men try to help or support her, then we first need to ask ourselves a serious and honest question: Are we approaching this from a place of trying to change her mood so we feel better about ourselves? Or are we doing it from a place of grounding and being in our power?
You see, many men need validation and approval from the feminine, and the moment she is going through a challenging experience, they think they are trying to hold space for her, while in truth they actually want to change her state. Her emotions trigger something uncomfortable within him, which makes him want to receive her validation again in order to feel better about himself.
When I realized this at an embodied level, everything made sense to me. Now, I started to consciously practice to receive my wife, and hold space for her experience without needing anything from her. And this is the key – how can I hold space for my divine beloved if I need something from her?
I noticed immediately how this practice made her feel more safe, how it relaxes her nervous system, how her breath became softer and she was able to rest in her feminine energy.
I can now sense the difference in my body, viscerally, when I am truly holding space because that is a state of: ‘I embrace you exactly as you are, I hold you where you are right now in this moment, I don’t need anything from you, my strength and grounding holds us both.’
Of course I am not perfect and I have to continually remind myself of this practice to stay centered in my masculine core. But this insight has changed everything.
And this is something else I wanted to share with you, our ability to transform insights into action, into embodied action. An insight is great, however, the question is, what do you do with it? If you do nothing then it is like being aware of something but not choosing to do anything about it which creates internal conflict.
So my invitation for you is: How can you turn this insight I shared with you today into part of your life? I am not just speaking to men here, for all women reading, this insight can inform your boundaries and how you will show up from now on if a man or your partner is unconsciously trying to change you because he needs something from you.
If you want to go deeper into this, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.
What my Wife Taught Me