Most of my life I struggled with an abandonment wound. Deep intimacy induced a deep fear of loss inside me.
I felt much shame around it because even though I did all the practices, tried everything to heal it, the wound still reappeared over and over again.
No amount of breathwork, yoga, or any spiritual practice could help me in the moments where my abandonment wound would get triggered, even though I practiced, and still practice a lot.
Then one day I had an epiphany, I was using spiritual practice to try to escape the wound, not go deeper into it. I realized that the saying ‘the wound is where the light enters’ is actually true.
I was so afraid of the sensation in my body, to truly feel this sheer terror of abandonment, rejection, losing what is most important to me – even though there was no logical reason whatsoever to feel this way.
You see, the fear of being abandoned is as primal as it can get. There is even a theory that our nervous system responds so intensely to it because in the stone age being abandoned by the tribe meant starvation and death.
That is truly how I used to feel when facing my abandonment wound, as if I was going to die.
One key mistake I made was to try to get rid of it, to find a way to distract myself from this painful sensation.
That is the wrong approach.
There is a saying that goes: When the pain is deep, create a bigger container for it. I was doing the opposite, trying to run from it.
The bigger the container you create for it, the more you are able to hold it, and therefore to heal it.
If you struggle with an abandonment wound I have two important questions for you to reflect upon:
- Are you creating the space to allow yourself to get deeper into the wound – or is your current approach to try to get rid of the wound?
- What story have you created around your abandonment wound?
The second question usually relates to shame. I used to feel so much shame for feeling the way I felt. This story adds more pain to an already painful wound. Let me assure you now, you have full permission to drop the story you created.
You feel the way you feel because you experienced something in your life that hurt so deeply that now a part inside you wants to protect you from further pain.
That is not your fault. But you do have the power to heal this.
If you want to go deeper into healing the abandonment wound, click here to see my upcoming training courses or click here to access past recordings.
My Greatest Achievement is THIS