In this feature for Gathered, relationship coach and hypnotherapist Lorin Krenn explores how growing up with toxic or emotionally unstable parenting can shape a person’s sense of self, confidence, and relationships later in life. The article explains that many adults carry patterns formed in childhood — including chronic self-doubt, people-pleasing, fear of disappointing others, or difficulty resting — without realizing these behaviors were learned as survival responses.
Lorin explains that when criticism, emotional absence, or unpredictability are normalized in childhood, the nervous system adapts by becoming hyper-vigilant and focused on earning approval. As adults, this can show up in relationships through over-giving, avoiding closeness, chasing unavailable partners, or feeling compelled to constantly prove one’s worth.
The article also explores how these patterns can surface again when people become parents themselves. According to Lorin, parenting often brings unresolved childhood experiences to the surface, which can trigger strong emotions such as anger, grief, or fear if they were never acknowledged earlier in life.
Ultimately, the piece emphasizes that healing is possible through awareness, emotional regulation, and corrective relational experiences. Lorin notes that recognizing the origins of these patterns allows people to reconnect with their needs, establish healthier boundaries, and gradually build more secure relationships.