I was wondering what my first blog post should be about. There are thousands of things about which I can write in depth.
I receive most of my criticism around my perspective of feminine testing. Many people tell me that a woman who tests a man is toxic or is not truly in love. 99% of the criticism I receive stems from a misinterpretation of what feminine testing truly is.
I am going to explain what feminine testing is NOT:
Blaming or shaming a man for not being good enough, for his sexual performance, or his values and desires.
Being passive aggressive and hoping that he will figure it out, to save you like in a princess fairy tale, or to know your mind and wounds better than yourself.
Expecting a man to always be present, always hold the space, to remain confident, and to never show any insecurities
Projecting trauma on a man by telling him things such as, “You are just like my father/brother/ex-husband,” or “If you would have only done this, or acted like this, then I wouldn’t be so angry with you!”
All these examples and I could provide many more examples that have nothing to do with the testing of the awakened feminine. They most likely stem from childhood trauma, intimacy wounds, and a distorted vision of intimate relationships.
How do you differentiate between a woman who projects her anger on you and a woman’s clean, healthy, and divine anger? The difference is always that she relaxes immediately when you do not collapse and stand your ground, and what must follow is a deeper connection and trust. Instead, when a woman projects her wounds on you, no matter what you do, or how powerfully you hold the space, she will probably remain angry at you or pissed off. At times, this can be totally normal and does not necessarily mean it comes from a big wound. We are human beings.
As you can see, it is a very thin line and one of the hardest things to understand. You cannot grasp it with your mind. You need to go deeper and trust your intuition to feel what the present moment demands of you.
The more awakened a woman is, the more she will test you in a healthy and divinely mysterious way. She possesses a sixth sense rooted in her heart that tells her where in your life you bullshit yourself. She can spot your blind spots better than any coach or therapist could. The funniest thing is that, the more she reveals your blind spots, the more she is actually in love with you.
She loves you so much that she cares about your growth as a conscious man. She wants to see how you win battles and that you are not dependent upon her or anyone’s approval, as you stay truthful to your mission, no matter what.
Now, most men live in their head, as I did. If you rely on your logical mind, a woman’s testing will make no sense. You might think, “She is never happy with me. She doesn’t love me enough to accept me as I am.” That could be true, but most of the time, it is notIf the feminine gives you everything you want, which includes deep connection, deep intimacy, and deep sex, no matter what you do, or how often you show up, then you are entirely stuck in your comfort zone and blind spots. That is because, if she accepts you despite your issues, the foundation of the relationship itself is unhealthy, and man is not prompted to grow.He only softens and reveals her deepest nature to you when you stay true to your mission and holds the space as the masculine pole. This does not mean that she will leave you or “fall out of love with you” when you are led astray from your path. However, it means that she prioritizes your growth and level of consciousness more than your comfort zone and presence around her. If you understand this, then you will realize that this is called unconditional love. She loves you deeply, she wants you in her life, but at the same time, she is willing to let you go if you do not do the work and follow your path.
Most men want to own the feminine. Trust me, I have tried it, and I miserably failed. The environment becomes dark, she does not feel safe, and you feel stuck and depressed. She cannot open emotionally and sexually towards you if you try to control her. Wanting to control her means you come from lack, that you do not feel at home in yourself, and you do not trust yourself.
What can you do in order to “pass” the testing of the feminine? Not much, except to trust yourself and do the deep work that you must do to not collapse every time she does not shower you with compliments. Become self-reliant, express your needs outside of the bedroom, and in the bedroom, and you will reach a point where you will enjoy feminine testing because you will know what to do. Her testing enlightens you, sharpens the sword of presence within you, and permits you to reveal all your gifts to the world. For every woman reading this, keep testing the masculine. Your testing is radiant, it is sexy, and it is so necessary, if we want to have more conscious men and leaders in this beautiful world.
For every man who reads this, lean into your discomfort around her testing. Transcend your rational mind. Go as deep as possible, and you will realize that her testing is the biggest blessing the universe has offered you.