Most women carry pain from their relationship with the masculine, be it with a father, a past relationship, or a painful connection.
This pain usually shows up in 3 ways:
The Over Giver. She has learned that if she needs little, asks for little, takes up little space, he will have no reason to leave. So she quietly sets herself aside, piece by piece, until there is almost nothing left of her own wanting. Until one day she realizes she has become nothing like herself.
The Protector. Her heart closed at some point, and now does not open easily. The instant real closeness arrives, or the smallest conflict, she retreats behind a wall she built for good reason. She experiences a sense of numbness and cannot stop what is happening. She wants real intimacy and connection but the wall feels too strong and comes up each time.
The Chaser. She feels pulled only toward men who remain slightly out of reach, slightly inconsistent, never quite certain. The moment a man is steady and clearly devoted, something inside her loses attraction. Certainty and consistency do not feel like safety to her.
Underneath the guarding, the giving, the pulling away, there is a woman with a deep desire for intimacy, real connection, to be fully seen and fully safe at the same time.
She has not given up yet. She still has hope.
And this hope is not some form of naivety, it is a knowing that despite the pain, this love is real.
One thing I work with women on is merging the protector and the one who desires deep love.
Now, what does that mean?
The part inside a woman that wants to protect her from further disappointment with men is often in conflict with the part that desires to open her heart and let real love in.
Neither is wrong, neither is right. Together, they are in alignment. The protector needs the open heart, the open heart needs the protector.
There is a way to protect the heart and open. To allow love in, to experience the deepest intimacy, but to not lose oneself.
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